Vietnamese wedding traditions

Vietnamese wedding practice descends from Confucian family philosophy, Buddhist blessings, and — in Vietnamese Catholic families — a Catholic ceremony. Northern, central, and southern practice differ. Vietnamese-American weddings reflect the region the family came from.

• Đám hỏi (engagement / betrothal) — 60 min. The groom's family formally visits the bride's family with gifts. Historically a separate day. Often now the morning of the wedding, or the day before.
• Tea ceremony. The couple serves tea to elders in order of seniority. Often built into đám hỏi.
• Áo dài — the traditional long dress. The bride typically wears red for the traditional portions and may wear a Western white dress for the ceremony itself.
• Ancestor altar.The couple offers incense, bows, and asks for the ancestors' blessing.

A common single-day structure:

1. Morning: đám hỏi— the groom's family arrives with formal gifts. Tea ceremony. Ancestral altar. The preset is 60 minutes.
2. Ceremony — Buddhist, Catholic, or civil, depending on the family.
3. Portrait break.
4. Reception.
5. Outfit changes. The bride may change three or four times: red áo dài, white Western dress, a second áo dài, an evening gown.

The groom's family brings gifts in red-wrapped boxes carried by young unmarried men or women (đội bưng quả). Common gifts are tea, betel nut and betel leaf, fruit, bánh phu thê ("husband and wife cakes"), roast pig in some regions, wine, a cash gift, and fabric for an áo dài. The number of boxes is chosen for luck — traditionally an odd number such as 5, 7, or 9, though 6 is also common.

Most Vietnamese homes have a family ancestral altar. During the wedding the couple:

1. Lights incense.
2. Bows three times.
3. Speaks or thinks a prayer to the ancestors.
4. Asks for their blessing on the marriage.

If the couple does not yet have their own altar, they visit the one in the bride's family home during đám hỏi.

• Northern Vietnamese. More formal, more Confucian, more elaborate protocol.
• Central Vietnamese (Huế). Distinct traditions associated with the former court, and specific formal elements.
• Southern Vietnamese. More relaxed protocol, and more openness to blending with modern practice.
• Vietnamese-American, by generation. Second- and third-generation families often keep Vietnamese elements inside a fully American reception.

Ask what this family follows.

• Đám hỏi.The gift procession, every box, the bride's family receiving, each tea serving, and the altar — incense and the bow.
• Áo dài. Full-length portraits before the day gets busy, and the embroidery.
• Tea ceremony. Each pouring, each drink, each blessing.
• Outfit changes. Each outfit gets its own portrait. Coordinate the times in advance.