Đám Hỏi — the betrothal ceremony

1. The groom's family assembles at a nearby location.
2. The gift boxes are prepared and carried by young unmarried men or women (đội bưng quả) in matching áo dài or formal attire. Traditionally an odd number of carriers.
3. The procession arrives in a set order: matchmaker if there is one, then parents, then the groom, then the gift carriers, then extended family.
4. The bride's family greets them at the door or receiving area.

Northern families tend to keep the protocol stricter. Central Vietnamese families, especially those with Huế roots, may add more formal steps. Southern and later-generation Vietnamese-American families often loosen the order. Ask which version this family uses.

A designated speaker — often the father or a senior uncle — presents the gifts:

1. The speaker introduces the family.
2. The speaker states the intention. Traditionally: they have come to ask for the daughter's hand.
3. The gifts are presented one by one. Each box is placed before the bride's family and opened or acknowledged.
4. The bride's family accepts, through their own speaker.
5. The boxes move to the bride's side.

Only after the gifts are received does the bride typically appear. Traditionally she waited in another room, and her father or another relative escorted her out. Modern practice often relaxes this. She may be present throughout, or the escort is a brief nod to the older form.

She wears a formal red áo dài. The groom often wears a matching áo gấm.

1. The couple prepares tea, often with help from family or an attendant.
2. They serve elders in order of seniority: grandparents, then parents, then aunts and uncles.
3. Each elder drinks and offers a blessing, often with a red envelope or gift.
4. The couple bows after each serving.

At the bride's family home, the couple usually pays respects at the altar:

1. Light three sticks of incense.
2. Stand together facing the altar.
3. Bow three times.
4. Speak or think a prayer to the ancestors.
5. Place the incense in the burner.

At some point, often at the end, someone announces that the couple is formally engaged — or, when đám hỏi is the same day as the wedding, that they are married.

Setup

• Confirm location and order with the family in advance.
• A wide lens for the procession, a long lens for faces.
• Two shooters: one on the procession and gifts, one on the tea ceremony.

Key shots

• The procession arriving, and each carrier with a box.
• Detail of each gift, and the formal speeches.
• The bride's appearance and escort.
• Every tea serving.
• The altar: incense and the bow.
• Family portraits at the end.